Fast forward to one of the worst years of teaching I've ever had. Nothing worked. We've all had those, right? The ones that make you reconsider why you became a teacher in the first place? My students were SO naughty, my colleagues were SO negative, my administration was SO unhelpful, and my home life was SUCH a mess. I was sick, exhausted, and defeated. I was burnt out. One day I realized that I had spent more time behind my desk, sitting at my computer, ignoring my students, than EVER before. I actually wasn't even sure if I had gotten up out of my desk at all. I was devastated and so disappointed in myself. I cried. Literally. Once again I did not want to be that kind of teacher! Here were these young minds, waiting to learn and grow and discuss and question. And I just wanted them to be quiet so I could answer my emails or finish grading. It was a dark, dark place that I am not proud of. So, I did some soul searching and decided two things: 1) get rid of my desk so I had nowhere to hide 2) shut my computer when students were working. (I never have my phone out during class, so this wasn't a problem for me. But for some teachers, it is. Seriously. Put the phone AWAY). If I was going to do this right, I was going to engage with my students while I was face to face with them. No matter how stressed or how tired I was, there was no sitting and grading. No matter how many leadership responsibilities I had, there would be no "just a minute guys, I'm finishing an email." None. No excuses: It. Was. Life-changing. I felt so much more connected to my students and so much more successful. They weren't (as) naughty anymore. I didn't begrudge my colleagues quite as much. I had more fun and actually felt like I had more energy even though I was resting less and moving more. It made my soul happy. Every minute with my students is precious, and I will never get that minute back to do-over. I needed to capitalize on that "face time" to bring myself out of a dark place. They are the reason I'm here, not email about the copier or even vague leadership discussions about vision or efficacy. They needed my whole attention, heart and soul. My last story is related to the emotional distance and control that mindfulness brings. Bear with me. I am a bleeding heart. I am so sensitive to other people's emotions that I can't even watch someone cry without crying. I feel other people's pain. So during times of stress and conflict, I often have a hard time separating their emotions and reactions from my own. Everyone in teaching knows that DEVOLSON (Dark Evil Vortex of Late September, October, November) can suck the life out of even the most positive teacher. Last fall our building was in turmoil from top-down decisions, stressful protocol, and time-consuming initiatives. People were so angry and frustrated and disillusioned that it was not a fun place come to every day. PLCs were more about venting than collaboration, and don't even get me started about the faculty lounge (yikes!) One particular colleague always wanted to vent to me about his frustrations. He never wanted suggestions (nor would he take them if you offered) but just wanted to spew toxic vomit on everyone he met. Soon, simply seeing him in the hallway was triggering my anxiety. What's even worse was I began to blur the lines between his concerns and my own problems. I started to believe I felt the way he did. This was not true, and it was tearing my soul to tiny little sprinkles of sadness. I had a wonderful friend tell me, "feelings are not facts." She also suggested I choose where to spend my energy. So I stated giving myself distance from his complaints, listening objectively and asking him some countering questions. I also shrugged and walked away several times, saying, "If you're not willing to change your own actions, complaining isn't going to help." I chose not to spend my energy owning his unhappiness. I walked away more often, challenged his views more often, and told him to find ways to make himself less miserable. I changed my focus and got more in control of my own emotions. Instead of feeling like a ship tossed in the stormy waters, I was "the master of my fate/... the captain of my soul." And here I am today, a little farther on my journey of mindfulness. I've researched, read, watched, studied, compared, tried, discussed, connected. I've seen how life changing mindfulness can be on a personal level, and I can see how powerfully students react when they learn about it. I believe wholeheartedly that teaching mindfulness to teachers can make each classroom even better. One study predicted teaching mindfulness to students equated to 11-20 minutes of increased teaching time. Imagine how much more class time could be saved or capitalized to deepen learning with mindful teachers at the helm? Bell-to-bell learning, with purposeful activities and focused attention in between; teachers who feel calm, in control, and successful? Powerful. I'd even dare to say, unstoppable.
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AuthorA midwest teacher in love with creating awesome opportunities for students to think, communicate, and produce. https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Store/The-Comfortable-Classroom
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